Here I just want to share my deepest thoughts and insights with with those who follow the same journey of living out theri faith as I do.

Finding My New Normal -- Living With Chronic Illness:

Prayer For A Better Tomorrow:

Lord God, Abba-Father, Lord Jesus; Thank You for bringing this far.  Thank You for giving me this day.  Please bless me and keep me covered as I journey into tomorrow.  I know that as my be failing, each day is a precious gift and You will always be with me each step of the way.  I know that only You know the number of my days, and I pray for a thousand tomorrow's.  Please strengthen my faith each day and guide me in every moment.  Help me to always rely on Your protection and Your love -- especially for all the tomorrow's that I might have.  I pray this prayer in the Mighty and Powerful Name of Jesus Christ.  Amen!

I was diagnosed with Chronic COPD five years ago in 2019, after surviving pneumonia.  I don't even smoke, but got it from second ahnd smoke, from housemates and neighbors, and from the smoke from the wild fires in the High Country here in Colorado.  As these past few years have gone by, each day, each week, each month has become more and more challenging, but I have never stopped doing the things that I love to do.  I praise God for every day that I can go up into the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado, and go High Altitude Trail Hiking, go cycling, fishing, camping, or just exploring, and going to the gym, and going to social events.  There are days when taking a little walk makes it really hard to breathe normally, but I know that God gives me the breath that I breathe every day.  I do my breathing therapy every day, praying that the chronic coughing will stop, but it never stops completely, only enough to go and do some of the things that I love doing.  Each Day I Pray a Prayer Like This to Wake Up and Make It Through Another Tomorrow:

Abba-Father God, I humbly come before You and pray for a better tomorrow, just one more day to walk the path that You ahve given to me.  With all the chaos and disorder in this world, I know that it can be easy to forget that You are in Control.  I know that You are in control of my life, Lord and I know that You wouldn't let me go through anything that I could not handle.  Father God, You have covered me this far and You have helped me to over come many problems with my health You have helped me to endure stress and worry. 

I am praying right-now because I am unsure of tomorrow Lord.  Help me to continue to believe that tomorrow will be a better day, and that the next 1,000 tomorrow's will come by Your Grace and Love.  Help me to rise each day with a positive hope.  Let me see each situation with this chrnic health condition with eternal eyes.  I ask that You would pour into my heart, Lord, a New Normal, so that I can be strongand face each day with a bright and joy filled attitude and the courage to look forward to another tomorrow.  Lord Jesus, I know that I am here today because of Your Grace and Mercy.  I believe that I will get through tomorrow because Your Grace and Mercy are Everlasting.  If I start to get discouraged about any tomorrow, then help me to keep my mind and heart focused on Your Love.  Lord Jesus, I know that in Your Love I will always find comfort.  In Your Love, I have Perfect Hope!

Abba-Father God, I pray that, if it is Your Will, please grant me A Thousand Tomorrow's.  I Thank You and Praise You Lord for Hearing my Prayer, in Jesus' Mighty Name I pray, Amen.

Yesterday, January 14, 2024; I was watching a Mini series, called "A Thousand Tomorrow's", about a Barrel racer who was living day-to-day with Cystic Fibrosis, and a Bull Roder who became her boyfriend and husband.  And it got me thinking about all the tomorrows that God has given me as I battle living with something that most people take for granted, if they will be able to take in another breath and live to see just one more tomorrow.

So far, because of God's Grace, I have been given four and half years of new tomorrow's, and I know that my COPD is not Curable, and is Progressive, it will eventually get worse, but I thank God every day, every week, for giving me more time to live, love, laugh, and enjoy the things that I love doing in life.  So, after watching 'A Thousand Tomorrow's" I sat down and wrote this poem, to my best friend and loved ones.

If Tomorrow Never Comes Again: [A Letter To A Close Friend or A Loved One]

If you knew that I would have no more tomorrow's to live and laugh, and lay down to sleep and wake again; 

Would you tuck me in tightly for the night, and pray the Lord my soul to keep?

If you knew that it would be the last time that you would see me walk through the door, 

Would you give me a hug and a kiss and then call me back for one more?

If you knew that this would be the last day that you would hear my voice or see me laughing, or hear my voice lifted up in praise to God for His healing touch, to give me one more day,

Would you video tape each action, reaction, smile, and word, so that you could play them back day after day?

If I knew that this would be the last day that I could spare and extra moment or two, or even an hour or two, to stop and tell you how much "I Love You" and how much you mean to me, instead of assuming that you know that I do, 

I would just hold you in my arms until my time is done.

If I knew that it would be the last time I would be there to share your day with you, 

Well, I am sure that you will have many more, I would spend it doing whatever you wanted to do, and not just let the day slip away.

Because, knowing that tomorrow might never come again, 

I wont have the time to make up for an oversight,  and we may not get a secong chance to make everything right.

Each New Day, that God has given me, I always hope that there will always be another day to say our "I Love You's"  and ask if there is anything I can do for you!

But just in case I might be wrong in my hope for 1,000 Tomorrow's and today is all I get,

I'd like to say how much I love you, and hope that you never forget our time together here on this earth.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young and old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight and say that everything will be alright.

So if you're living with a Chronic or Terminal Illness, or have someone in your life that lives each day hoping for just one more tomorrow, or hoping for 1,000 tomorrow's.

Why Not Live Today Like It's Going To Be Your Last?

And if another tomorrow comes, then listen to you heart and do whatever God will give you the stength to do.

For if tomorrow nwver comes again, you'll surely regret the day that you didn't take the extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss, or you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their last wish.

So, I leave you with this last bit of advice,

Hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear and tell them how much you love them, and that you will always holf them dear.

Take the time to say "I'm Sorry" -- "Please Forgive Me" "Thank You" -- "Is There Anything I Can Do For You?"

or Just to Say -- "It's Okay."

And if Tomorrow Never Comes, You Will Have No Regrets About Today -- If You're Just There!

Russell "Little-Hawk" Oliver      

Sometimes I Just Want To Get Away From Everyone and Everything:

I just want to pack up everything, find a Mountain Cabin to stay in for one to three months. 

This morning one of our Teaching Pastor's taught on "Praying With Open Hands, and Uncleanching Our Hands to release areas of our life that has had a grip on us, and that have beeen blocking the blessings that God has for us to live the life that he design us for.

I came home and wrote this prayer and then prayed this prayer:

Abba-Father God, (Papa); Today I am so full of wishes, full of desires, full of expectations, and full of anger, all at the same time.  There are so many thing going on in my mind, that I never thought would be happening to me and I don't know why.  I am so afraid to open my clenched fists and let loose the grip of who I think that I am.  Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?  My fists are clenched so tight because of the anger that I feel about how I am being treated for asking for help, that I don't know how to let go of that anger fully and let You calm my heart and mind. 

Help me to open my hands, so that I can discover that  I am not the person that the enemy says that I am, I am not what I used to do, I am not what I have or don't have, but I am what and who You say that I am, and I am worthy of what You want to me.  And what You want to give me is love, that is unconditional, and ever-lasting.  And You want me to live each day in Your Love and Joy, and in Your Peace.  Help me to let go of what has taken control over my peace and joy.  Help me to let go of what has taken control over my peace and joy.

Lord Jesus, if You will heal me of all this anger and hurt, and betrayal that has been eating me up inside for so long, and bless me with the Blessings that the Father has been waiting to pour out into my life, then I will go wherever You want me to go and You do whatever You want with my life for my remaining years.

In Jesus' Name I Pray, Amen.

I know that things don't change right away , but I am just so tired of trying to fight alone.  I sit here noe and ask God; What should I do?  Who else should I trust?  Please send me a sign, a person or persons to come up beside me, who is willing to walk thihs jpourney with me.  I know and have  been told by other men, that at some point in our life, we've all had questions like this.You may even be asking them right now!    I don't know the answers to those questions right now, but    I know that God will give me an answer.

We each have an inate desire to know that we're making the right choices and decisions, and headed in the right direction. But, I also know that it doesn't hurt to stop and ask for some help.  How can I really be sure of what is "Right" and which is the right direction to go?  How can I know when God is truly speaking to me?  Will I truly eveb know what God's voice will sound like?  The thing is I know that hearing from God doesn't have to be that complicated.  But, sometimes you just need too pack some things up, out them in the truck and go some place away from all the clmaor and chaos, and noise that is blocking you from hearing what God is trying to get you to hear.  For me I think, because I always feel so much at peace when I am up in the mountains, that when I can get myself and my stuff in a secure place to live with with someone I can truly trust or God provides the the resources that I need to get a place of my own; then I can pack whatever I need for a few weeks or a month, and rent a cabin somewhere up in the mountains and just spend time listenign praying in whatever fahion that may be, (hikinf, fishinf, sitting on the porch or in front of a fire doing nothing but enjoying God's presence.

I Don't Know Where This Next Season In My Life Is Going To Take Me, But, I do Know That If I Don't Do Anything Then I Will Go Nowhere!            

Don't Fear New Adventures From New Doors Being Opened:

Psalm 37:23-24; "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way.  When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong.  Because the Lord is the One Who holds is hand."

If God didn't shut any doors, then how can we know which ones to go through and which ones not to try to to walk through?  I have been challenged with this very question several times throughout my life.  Whatever we are going through a hard season trying to figure out if there will ever be any new doorsopen that will bring us joy again.  e usually think of God guiding our path by opening doors for us, but in reality, He also shuts doors that could lead us into danger or harm.  Sometimes God also allows roadblocks to be placed in our path, but we can always trust God to order and establish our steps to guide us down that path. 

If you're ging through a season of obstacles, setbacks and closed doors, remember that both your steps and your steps are ordered by God.  Whether He opens or closes doors, God delights in leading us down the paths that he has marked out just for us.  When God closes a door, we can trust that He does is out of His Great Love for us.  he ahas a better plan than we could ever imagine.  We can also be sure that God will open another door for us that will lead to blessings that will be overflowing more than we could dream of, and He is preparing each of us for whatever lies ahead.  While we wait on Him to act, we should remember His Faithfulness in the past.  Take heart and remeber God delights in your ways, even when obstacles cause you to stumble, He will hold your hand and steady your heart.

Pray this Prayer:

Heavenly Father, even when I don't understand what You are doing in my life, I praise Your Faithfulness and Power.  Whenever I feel disappointed, help me to remember Your Staedfast Love.  Help me Father Gpd, to trust that You are ordering my steps according to Your Perfect Plan and Timing for my life.  Lord Jesus, HOu are my Faithful Shepherd; give me the grce that I need to trust You Leading.  Thank YOu for the doors that You open and for the doors that You have closed to protect me from harm.  Comfort and Strengthen my heart today.  Whenever dicouragement and doubt come, help em to believe that You have good plans to bring Great Blessings into my life.  Enable me to take courage as I wait on You to act in response to my prayers, in Your good and perfect timing.  Lord Jesus, take me by my hand and lead me down the path that You have chosen for me.  Show me when it is time to wait and when it is time to move ahead.  Thank You for Your faithful and staedfast love,  Help me to rest in it today.   

In Jesus' Powerful and Awesome Name I pray, Amen.

God Opens Dorrs and Closes Doors:

As you walk through this life a s a follower of Jesus and His Ways, you will find that God opens many doors and closes many doors as well.  Life si full of changes, some good and some not so good or comfortable, or even easy to accept, or even easy to understand.  Navigating the charges that life brngs our  way can be scary at times.  I love reading and listening to Psalms.  Because it shows me that God is always there whenever I cry out to Him, He delights in every detail of my life.  The Psalms offer great Comfort and Encouragement when things don't quite seem to be going right.  They assure me that I don't always have to know what my next step or move in life isgoing to be. 

We can rest in the knowledge that God knows what is best for us.  He will direct us as He sees fit.  As our situations change, if we will allow Him to, God will direct our steps, He will not force it, not He will allow you to amke a choice to follow Him.   He will lead us down the paths that are the best for us.  To follow the direction and leading of God, we have to be able to recognize which doors God has opened for us.  We must also  be able to recognize which doors God has closed. 

Some Changes we experience are due to the fact that doors open and doors close.  God has opened and closed many doors in my life, those doors have involved many areas of my life.  Starting with High School, there were doors that were opened and then closed because I didn't have the 'Faith' to walk through them.  The same thing happened with my career in the Military, as well as my career after getting out of the Air Force; doors to relationships and advancement in Sports Medicine and Professional Fitness Training were opened and then later closed, and doors were opened and then closed in in ministryas well, because I just didn;t have enough faith to walk through the door or just didn't trust the people involved.

There are undoubtedly many other types of doors God can and does open.  Just as certainly as God opens doors, He can also close those dorrs.  One of the keys to a successful and  fulfilling life is being able to distinguish between and recognize which doors God has opened and which doors He might close.  The truth is; God opens doors that no one can shut and closes doors that no one should try yo open, especially if they can cause you harm.

I wonder how many of us including myself, have spent wasted years trying to open doors that God has already shut!  Attempting to open a door that God has already close, is usually futile.  It will only lead to frustration, discouragement and  disappointment.  As God's Word tells us in (Revelation 3:7-8); "And to the angel of the church of Philadelphia write: 'the words of the Holy One, the True One, Who has the key of David, who opens and no one will shut, who shuts and no one opens.  I know your works.  Behold, I have set before an open door, which no one is able to shut....."  If God shuts or opens a door, there is nothing that we or anyone else can ever do to open or shuts that door.  I also wonder how many of us have missed or neglected doors that God had opened over the years, that we did not walk through!  Those doors that had the potential to change our lives for the better.

Now the Truth of this Post, that I really wasnt you to notice and take away with you is: "WHAT DOORS GOD OPENS--NO ONE CAN SHUT!"  This indicates that God does at times open doors that were Previously Shut.  We are also told in scripture, that, "WHAT HE CLOSES -- NO ONE CAN OPEN!"  This makes it clear that God also closes doors that were previously open! 

DON'T WASTE TIME TRYING TO PRY A DOOR OPEN THAT GOD HAS ALREADY SHUT TIGHT!                               

When God made me, He didn't leave out anything or ask anyone how He should make me, or what characteristics I should have or be allowed to show, or even how I should express myself about how I feel about things.  He made me just the way I am; and God said that I was "Wonderfully and Fearfully Made", so why should I I care about what other people say about me who I am, when they have never taken the time to truly know me?  For nost of my childhood everyone tried to tell me how I should act, who's character and inage I should to duplicate, and who's standards I should try to liv up to.  Sometimes my biggest mistakes were following the wrong advice, and comparing myself to someone else, someone that I thought truly had integrity and was so Honest and Trustworthy.  And that person turned out to be the wrong person to ever trust or even want to be like.  But, at the same time, we should never stop caring to the point that our egos take control and we become close-minded tit eh constructive viewpoint of those that we do trust. 

I learned over the years that, comparing ourselves to others, leads to discontent and contempt.  God says that He hs a unique purpose and plan for my life and Hr created me with every talent and gift that I will need to fulfill it, and I don't need the approval of anyone to be me.  I just stopped tryiing to be what God did not create me to be. Not identifying myself with what I am not gifted to do or be, isn't (Low Self Esteem).  It's simply the truth--and a most freeing one at that!  Going to college while in the Air Force, attending all my Business Classes, all my Certifications in Fitness, Sports Medicne, and in the Medical Field, never made me a Great Fitness Trainer.  It's not that I was wasting my time or anything, God had already given me the talents and gifts to be what He had planned for me to do and what I had the desire to do in my life.  But, that still did not define who I am!

My Frustrations came from me trying to do things that God hadn't asked or equipped me to do on my own strength.  Oh, don't get me wrong, indeed I truly cherished the same "Exaggerated Opinion of Myself" that the Apostle Paul warned us of in Romans.  Why else would I think or even believe that I could do absolutely everything and do it better than anyone else?  Espcially since that's how everyone around me discribed me.  That is nothing less than "PRIDE" plaiin and simple!  Yeah, I was trying to be me, but I was listening to what everyone else around me was saying about how great a Trainer I was.  There's nothing wrong in believing in yourself and that youare good at something and better than most people at what you do, but don't forget how you really got where you are and Who gave you the talents and gifts to do it.  I don't I don't have all the answers, but here are some pointers to just be yourself and let God show people who you truly are!

• AcceptYourself for Who God Says You Are First: If you don't accept who God says that you are; it's going to be very hard for you to feel accepted by others.  A lack of self-acceptance also means that you are more likely to search for the acceptance of others, leading you to start caring far too much about what they think about you.  When you start to struggle with who you are, you can also start believing that you are more than you truly are, just because someone else says that you are.  We've all heard the sayiing: "When you don't stand for anything that someone says is true, then you will fall for everything", that same sentiment applies here.
• Practice Some Non-Attachment: The more we seek the approval and admiration from others, or find ourselves getting overly elated whenever someone praises us, instead seeking the praises of God---the Only One that Matters, (Our Heavenly Father).  The more we seek to please others and the approval just to puff our own egos, the more Self-Serving we become, and trust me on this;  I know, because I fell into that trap myself as a Professional Fitness Trainer.To help find some balance with all of this, I found that practicing Non-Attachment can really help.  Even if it means separating yourself from what you think that you are so great at, because everyone else has told you that you are so great and your ego has become so inflated that you can't see the "REAL YOU" any more.  Non-Attachment really means that we take Responsibilty fro our own Well-being and who God says that we are, rather than getting swept up in or entangled in the inflater words or actions of others.  Learnig to do this takes a lot of practice, but in the long run, focusing on who God says that you are, is better than what everyone says or thinks you are.
• Handling Constructive Criticism: If you are breathing, chances are you are eventually going to run into criticism from someone.  When we are met with a critical opinion or remarks from someone, whether they know you or not; they will try to inject their opinion of how you should be living.  If they don't know you, then the first thing we tend to do is to fire right back at them, and we may even do that with people that we do know, and not really realize we are doing it.  Here are some steps that I am still finding that I may need to employ daily for myself and they can help you:                   
• (I.)  Check-In with yourself and with God; Is there is any truth to what has been said?  If so, then how should I respond? 
• (II.)  See if you can take anything constructive from what was said or just ignore it.
• (III.)  If it's needed and what was said if it was in a Godly manner, was true, then take responsibility acknowledge where you could have done better, and maybe talk it over with that person.  If not, then it's best to just give it to God, and ignore it all together.  Don't give the situation any more of your energy and joy.
• (IV.)  Whether it true or not, and the person who just wants to find fault with everything you do,then just walk away and let it go. 
• I can tell you; this is sometimes easier said than done, but it's a good bluepring for figuring out how to handle criticism and negative feedback from others. Remember, that we really have no control over what other people think or say about us, but we do have control over how we choose to respond.
• It's Okay To Admit That You Care About What Was Said: No Matter how tough we are or how tough we thing we are, the negative and hateful opinions of others cannot only hurt us, but can entangle us in anxiety, anger, bitterness and sometimes even victimhood.  When this happens, we may find ourselves obssessing and feeling guilty for caring too much, or checking out and pretending like we don't care at all.  Neither state of mind is going to help us.  Instead, it's only going to build walls around our hearts or send us into over-drive with anxiety and frustration.  When this happens, we need to own how we feel and own the fact that we care, even if it makes us feel guilty, shameful, or silly.  Once you have gotten clear with how you are feeling, allow yourself to sit in each emotion one by one.  Feel the anger, feel the hurt, feel the unfairness, allow your emotions to course through your body, allow yourself to fully embrace it as being normal, because God gave us emotions and Jesus felt everyone of them; breathe through it until you can feel the emotion no more!  This practice of leaning into your emotions can be therapeutic.  In some cases, when you allow the emotions to come, rather than blocking them, they may only last for a few seconds or a few minutes and then dissipate for good.  If you're like me, you might repeat this exercise a few times and use it in cinjunction eith calling on one of yoru Closest--Trusted and Loyal Friends and get them to pray with you to asl God to help you to just take it to Him and leave it in His hands, then walk away from it, as well as journaling what you are going through.  But, there is one thing tthat is true, and that's how good it can feel and how much power is taken away from these emotions when you just allow yourself to feel them and then walk through them!
• They Are More About the People Who Made Them: You know that it's natural to feel triggered by what people say or think about you, but at the end of the day, it's not, it's really not our baggage to carry.  When someone is overly judgmental towards you or thinking that they have any right or authority to judge you by their standards, or goes out of their way to say things to hurt you, it's usually because they are actually judgmental and angry about themselves, or maybe someone else has dome the very same thing to them and they think that they can feel justified by dumping all over you.
• If you can remember this, it allows you to recognize and to see that when someone lashes out at you , criticizes you harshly  or is super judgmental , it's more about them and their own struggles, not yours.  So if all you can do is walk away, then just do that [WALK AWAY FROM THEIR DRAMA] and give it all over to God, and let the Holy Spirit deal with them.

"WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU, IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS OR PROBLEM.  IF YOU START TO MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS AND PROBLEM---THEN YOU WILL OFFENDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."  ---DEEPAK CHOPRA---                       

In 2002, I started reading a book by John Eldregde; called "Wild At  Heart", I also started writing ini the Journal that came with it as a Christmas gift.  I went through the entire book and most of the jouornal, that was 26-years ago, and I was 43-years old then, I didn't give it much thought then, but when I came back home to Colorado in October 2014, from eight years with Professional Fitness Training and Sports Medicine in Florida.  I read the book again and went back through my journal again to see if anything had changed in my heart as far as Adventure was concerned.  Now it's more than 9-1/2 years later and a ot has happened. 

I'm now 65, and and I have read several more book by John Eldredge, been through several Small Groups at church with "Wild at Heart", the first two times I went through Wild at Heart alone; I really needed to go through this with other men that have been struggling with their true identity as a man "Good Enough".  I want to share the 'Introduction; from the "Wild At Heart Study Guide", In it John Eldregde says this; "The way a man's life unfolds nowadays tends to drive his heart into remote regions of the soul.  The business world -- where the majority of American Men live and die--requires a man to be effecient and punctual.  Corporate Policies and Proceedures are designed with one aim: to harness a man to the plow and make him produce.  But, the soul refuses to be harnessed; it longs for passion, for freedom, for Life. 

As D.H. Lawrence said, "I am not a mechanism."  A man needs to feel the rhythms of the earth; he needs to have in hand something real--the tiller of the boat, a set of reins, the roughness of a rope, or simply a shovel.  Can a man live all his days to keep his fingernails clean and trimmed?  Is that what a boy dreams of?  He goes on further to say; "Society at Large" can't make up its mind about men.  Having spent the last thirty years redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and well, (Feminine).  It now berates men for not being men.  Boys will be boys, they sigh.  As though, if a man were not truly grown up he would forsake wilderness and wanderlust and settle down,be at home forever in Aunt Polly's Parlor.  "Where are all the Real men?" Is regular fare for talk Shows and New Books.  "You asked them to be women, I want to say."  The result is a gender confusion never experienced at such a wide level in the history of the world.

'How can a man know he is one when his highest aim is minding his manners?  Walk into most churches today in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What Is A Christian Man?  Don't listen to what is said; look at what you find there.  There is no doubt about it; you would have to admit a Christian Man is.....bored."  John shares this; "At a recent church retreat I wa talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man."   "I've pretty much tried for the past twenty-years to be a good man as the church defines it.  Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was.  He paused for a long moment "Dituful", he said.  And separated from his heart.  A perfect description, I thought,  Sadly right on the mark."

As Robert Bly lamented in Iron John; "Some woman want a passive man, if they want a man at all; the church wants a tamed man--they are called Priests; the university wants a domesticated man--they called Tenure-Track People; the corporation wnats a sanitized, hairless, shallow man.  It all comes together as a sort of westward expansion against the masculine soul.  And thus the heart of a man is driven into the high country, onto remote places, like a wounded animal looking for cover.  Women know this, ament that they have no access to their man's heart.  Men know it too, but are often unable to explain why their heart is missing.  They know their heart is on the run, but they often do not know where to pick up the trail."  "But God made the masculine heart, set it within every man, and thereby offers him an inivation: come, and live out waht I meant you to be.  God meant something when He meant man, and if we are to ever find ourselves we must find that.  What has He set in the masculine heart?  Instead of asking what to asking what you think you ought to dod to become a better man, I want to ask; What makes you come alive?   What stirs your heart?" 

John Eldredge further said; in the "Wild At Heart Study Guide"'  "There are three desires I find written so deeply into my heart I know now I can no longer disregard them without losing my soul.  They are core to who and what I am and yearn to be.  I gaze into my boyhood, I search the pages of scripture and Literature, I listen carefully to many men, and I am convinced these desires are universal, a clue into masculinity itself.  They may be misplaced, forgotten, or misdirected, but in the heart of every man, isa desperate desire for battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to love."

Today, I am still very much involved in Wild At Heart Ministries with John & Stasi Eldredge, and  have been diving deep into some of John's other books [Resilient; Get Your Life Back; Waking The dead; Moving Mountains and Walking with God].  Aa well as listening to Podscasts and Pause Sessions and even at the age of 65, I am finding out more and more about how much of my own masculinity has been put on the shelf of heart instead of living out, I mean really "Living Out My Desire for Raw Adventure." 

As I looked in my journal again, I read these questions again that John was asking us.  What If?  What if those deep desires in our hearts are telling us the truth, revealing to us the life we were meant to live? 

God gave us eyes to see so that we might see what He has given us for the adventures of our lives.  He gave us a Will that we might choose adventure, and He gave us hearts so that we might live Courageously and Boldly!

Lately, I have felt like my hearts desires are just words written on a page in my journal or something I blog about on my website.  and I may never get to live out my dreams while I can still physically get out and enjoy my great adventures.   I mean, I really love hiking and camping and fishing, but I still want more.  This issue with my COPD has really kept me from enjoying doing any of these things lately, and feel like I have died a little bit week and month that goes by.  And to tell the truth; there are times when I just feel like God just doesn't care what happens to me down here.  He says in HIs word that we are to supposed to, nor were we designed to walk through this life alone, especially as Christ Followers.  But, I have been walking through this past four years alone, so-called friends, neighbors who I thought were friends, men at church have turned their backs on me like I am the "Plague" or something.  And the worst thing is my daughter (spitting in my face) and the idiot Marine that she married, acts like it's okay for her to treat her family like trash, and makes me wonder if he treats his family; like they jusy don't matter, because he's in the Marine Corp.  I have not even been aloud to see my grandchildren, and God has done nothing to intervene and no one else in my family has done anything, so now you see why I feel at times that God really doesn't care about my life at all and I am on my own. 

Now I know that's not true, and deep in my heart I know that God's does care, but still at times I still feel like He is dangling a carrot out in front of me, just to see what I will do or how I will react.  Like He gave me all these talents, and desires, and dreams, but won't allow me to prosper with them or surround myself with True--Strong--Loyal "Iron Sharpening Iron" Friends, and the closer I get to accomplishing anything, the farther away that Close---Inner-Circle seems to get.    

With this in my mind, and Summer quickly coming around the corner, my heart for adventure is burning hotter than ever to get out and do whatever I can to get out of the Life-Draining Place that I am living in and jump in with both feet to a New "WILD at HEART" Adventure.  Find a place where there are Veterans like me that have no one to really call family, to build a new Family.  I will continue ro persue my goals and dreams with Stepping Stones & Mountain Tones Wliderness Adventure Ministies,and find a Camp Ground to buy and Convert it into Hawk's Haven Base Camp, for the Outbound Wilderness Adventures and Men's Summit's and Gatherings: 

For the past few years I have been attempting to rebuld the kind of Close Inner-Circle of Strong--Trusted--Loyal & "Iron Sharpening Iron" Friends like I had in the military.  But, it's been really hard.  I thought that I had that with my career in as a Professional Fitness Trainer and Sports Medicine, as well as with my church.  But, some of those people that I thought were trustworthy and loyal friends, betrayed me and my trust.

There are certain things, traits, and characteristics tat I look for and expect from those that I allow into my inner-circle of close friends.  I mean the kind of friends that will be there for one another No Matter What!  Those Traits and Characteristics are; [Total Honesty, Loyalty to everyone in the circle, Strong Conviction and Fortitude Rooted in Jesus, Integrity, Trustwothyness, Self & Christ-Centered Disciline, Muturity, Discernment, Wisdom, HUmility, Love and Compassion.

One thing I have learn over the past 3-1/2 decades since leaving the military is that navigating the world today as a man can feel like a challenging endeavor.   You can't always trust that those who claim to be true Christ Followers, are truly living and walking what they talk.  My church thinks that they have the right to impose their guidelines of how, where and when you serve, and it doesn't matter what your obligations to your family is, or where God is directing to serve.  And that you are supposed to follow their pressure to succeed, provide them with all your energy and efforts, be strong for them, but also be sensitive, understanding and endlessly availably for whatever they want.  But when you ask for help, they act as if you were being disrespectful, and self-centered.  I know this all too well, because when I needed help in finding another place to live because of my housemate, and my Campus Pastor and few of the men that I thought were trusted brothers in my Small Group Betrayed me.  So, I just withdrew from even truly trusting the people in my own church.

For me the Characteristics of a True--Loyal--Honest Godly Man are Rooted Deep in something that is Timeless and should be an Unshakeable faith in God.  The way I look at it in God's Word is that godly men strive for Spiritual Growthby seeking Wisdom and Strength from a higher power, allowing that connection to guide our actions and shape our hearts.  It's about examining the Core Characteristics of a godly man, taking cues from God's Word, and translating those Principles into tangable actions in the modern world. 

One of the biggest things that I look hard at with those who I allow to be a part of my Close Inner-Circle; "Integrity"; you need to and must "WALK WHAT YOU TALK", because with the gift of descernment that God has given me, I can tell a fake and a liar a mile away.  

Have you ever noticed how some people's words don't match their words?  That's Not the Way of a Truly godly man, who is genuinely chasing after God's Own Heart.  Integrity in that Kind of Man isn't some lofty ideal, it's the 'Bedrock & Solid Cornerstone'  of his life -- his word is his bond.  That kind of man loves God with all his heart and seeks to embody God's Word in his own life.

Integrity is a defining atribute of a Truly godly man---the ubwavering commitment to livign in alignment with his values, and his words reflecting in his actions.  It's about transparency and being true to God and yourself, even when nobody is watching.  This genuineness emenates outwards influencing interactions with others and fostering trust.  A True man of Integrity---doesn't compartmentalized his faith.  It's interwoven throughout every aspect of his being, his family life, his community, his work life, and his personal life. When all members of a Close Inner-Circle of Loyal Friends Stand--Live and Walk in Integrity, of their Faith and their Faithfulness to every member of the circle, then that Circle will be impossible to break because Christ is the Center of that Cicle.  And just like when Jesus chose the twelve that He knew would be His trusted Inner-Circle, no one could get too close to Him without going through them first.  They were there for one another no matter what!